Spiders are Scary. It’s Okay to be Afraid of Them. *Updated*

I’m fighting a war.  A country of war against spiders.  Every dark earlier bed, I cheque my sheets for them, shoe inwards hand, fix to brutally halt their lives amongst means to a greater extent than forcefulness than necessary.  Sometimes I detect 1 together with fifty-fifty if I kill it, I all the same can’t run to slumber because it confirmed my fearfulness that sometimes at that spot are spiders waiting inwards my bed for me.

I used to pretend that I wasn’t afraid of spiders.  It made me experience cool – similar I was braver than well-nigh people.  If individual called me on my bluff together with asked me to dispose of a spider, I would set on my battle-face together with create my best to teach rid of it without letting the panic bubble to the surface.

I don’t pretend anymore.

I HATE spiders.   Spiders are similar niggling pieces of expiry wrapped inwards scary.  Even if a spider was like

I’d last all

Sometimes when I express the hatred and fear I feel when I think of spiders, someone will be like “But spiders bring families too!!”  Like somehow that volition brand me run sympathetic together with agreement toward spiders.  But that’s just the point.  Spiders bring families together with their families are also spiders.  We should kill spiders because they bring families.  


When I was younger, my mom would tell “Sweetie, don’t last afraid.  You are means bigger than a spider.” Well estimate what, mom?  I’m bigger than a grenade too.  Were y’all trying to enhance me to last roughly sort of unconquerable war-machine that isn’t fifty-fifty afraid of grenades?  If y’all were trying to create that, y’all failed.  I’m afraid of a lot of things that are smaller than me – similar bees together with wolverines together with centipedes.  I’m fifty-fifty sort of afraid of ants a niggling bit. 


Spiders are fucking scary.  That is a universal truth.  I don’t know why.  I don’t demand to know why.  All I know is that when this:
Comes crawling across the flooring at me, my encephalon interprets it similar this:


That is a spider amongst a swastika and the words “I KILL YOU” carved into its flesh together with it has knives together with guns strapped to its legs.  That’s how scary spiders are.   


P.S.  I merely saw a spider on my stairs together with I tried to squish it but I missed together with immediately I can’t detect it.  

UPDATE:  Remember how I was similar “P.S. There was a spider on my stairs together with I tried to squish it, but no”?   information technology WAS ON ME.  At to the lowest degree I mean value it was the same spider.  Maybe it was merely a role of the other spider’s clone army.  I don’t know.  The betoken is that I was similar “happyhappyunaware” together with thence I looked downwards together with at that spot was a big, dark spider crawling on the couch adjacent to me together with I ran away yelling “getitgetitgetit!!!” because I’m super brave.  Then Boyfriend was similar “I know what would last a skillful idea!  I should attempt to stab the spider amongst my knife!” together with he pulled out his steal knife together with tried to stab the spider together with he missed together with the spider ran away together with immediately there’s a fucking spider inwards my couch.  

UPDATE:  Okay, this spider is a survivor.  First, it escaped existence crushed past times me on the stairs.  Then it got away when fellow was trying to stab it amongst a steal knife together with it ran behind the couch.  Tip: don’t attempt to stab spiders – squish instead:


Boyfriend together with I tore the room upwards looking for it together with nosotros couldn’t detect it.  Then, I looked upwards to a higher house me together with there it was.  On the ceiling.  In a completely unreachable spot.  

UPDATE:  Now it has a friend. 

UPDATE:  Boyfriend merely killed the spider’s friend using a box of Samoas© Girl Scout cookies.  


The master copy spider is all the same also high to reach.  (You’re welcome for the costless advertising, Samoas©)

UPDATE:  The spider has been slain.  It was an epic battle.  First, I made a spider-free isle inwards the middle of the living room where I could spotter the activity piece all the same existence reasonably certain that I would non run role of it.  Then Boyfriend made a long, poke-y weapon together with he climbed upwards behind the couch together with went inwards for the kill.  The spider did non snuff it easily together with its expiry volition belike last avenged inwards roughly fashion past times its clone army, but for immediately it is gone.