How a Sandwich Makes You Its Bitch in 11 Easy Steps

1.  At first, you lot are unaware of your wish for a sandwich



At this stage, you lot are by as well as large unaware of whatever wish to consume a sandwich.  Maybe you lot are watching TV.  Maybe you lot are talking on the phone.  Whatever you lot are doing, you lot are content to live live without a sandwich inward your mouth. 

2.  Desire for sandwich registers


You operate vaguely aware that something isn’t correct when a feeling of uneasiness engulfs you lot similar a dark, suffocating fog.   You realize that you lot are going to demand a sandwich.  

3.  Panic


HOLY SHIT!!!!!!  YOU NEED Influenza A virus subtype H5N1 SANDWICH RIGHT FUCKING NOW OR YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!! 

This phase comes on abruptly as well as ordinarily earlier you lot receive got fourth dimension to fifty-fifty larn inward to the kitchen, permit lone operate through all the steps of preparing a sandwich.   You experience similar your torso is imploding into a dark hole of hunger as well as without a sandwich to plug that hole, you lot volition nearly sure enough perish. 

4.  Melodramatic journeying to kitchen


Hunger has a agency of bringing drama to the surface.  The combination of hopelessness as well as self-pity oftentimes leads to unnecessary theatrics. 

5.  Planning


Your sandwich is going to live the best sandwich ever.  A sandwich to dominion all sandwiches.  No affair how many things you lot position on it, it e’er seems similar in that place needs to live to a greater extent than things.  

6. Creation of a monstrosity that fifty-fifty you lot volition expression dorsum on amongst shame as well as bewilderment


Hunger has clearly clouded your judgment because your sandwich turns out to live a towering atrocity of questionable meat as well as condiments that are wonderful on their own, but taken together, exercise an oozing sludge of nearly inedible failure.  

Despite this, you lot experience similar you lot are to a greater extent than or less sort of mad genius.  You should live on Iron Chef!  You are creating novel season frontiers!

7.  Anticipation


This is in all likelihood the best phase of eating a sandwich.   In this moment, you lot imagine a variety of nirvana that is non attainable yesteryear mortals.  Your hear conjures upwards a season experience as well as then powerful that it defies logic.  As you lot sit down in that place staring at your glorious sandwich, cypher else matters.  

8a.  First assault

 

You appear to receive got neglected a few details during preparation, namely the discrepancy betwixt the size of your oral cavity as well as the size of what you lot tin reasonably await to tally within something the size of your mouth.  Your sandwich is cumbersome as well as unwieldy.  If you lot wish to consume it, you lot are going to receive got to larn creative. 

8b.  Second assault 


8c.  Third assault 


9. Violence


You finally resort to trying to crunch the sandwich amongst your hands.  You stand upwards over it similar a caveman, beating it amongst your fists inward a tally of rabid frustration.  Condiment sludge squishes out the sides inward rivers.  

10.  Success (?)


The sandwich finally submits to your reshaping efforts.  You receive got reduced your in 1 lawsuit violet creation to a festering shadow of its quondam self, but it is instantly possible to position it inward your mouth!  YAY!!!!  You intend you’ve won.  

11.  Resolution

Sandwiches nearly e’er cease inward 1 of ii ways.  



If you lot made the unfortunate error of underestimating your hunger, you lot volition live unable to bask the lastly 3rd of your sandwich because you lot volition live likewise busy beingness afraid that in that place volition non live plenty of it.  Every wonderful seize amongst teeth is filled amongst the painful realization that it is bringing you lot closer to having cypher to a greater extent than to eat.  You laid about to panic.  You examine taking smaller bites as well as chewing longer.  You alternate taking a existent seize amongst teeth as well as simply sniffing the sandwich as well as moving your jaw to copy eating.  But cypher tin contrary the inescapable fact that you lot didn’t brand yourself plenty sandwich.

Conversely, if you lot overestimated the amount of costless infinite within of you, you lot volition live faced amongst a harrowing battle of human being against sandwich.  And the sandwich e’er wins.  If you lot forcefulness yourself to complete the sandwich, it volition defeat you lot from the inside.  If you lot surrender as well as operate out utilization of the sandwich uneaten, it volition haunt you lot amongst guilt as well as feelings of inadequacy.