Apparently I’m A Failure At Success

Hi.  I am non coping good amongst this flake of success I seem to lead hold come upward across.  It appears that my nervous organisation is having problem distinguishing celebratory excitement from extreme danger.

As y’all tin hand notice imagine, this has non helped to foster an atmosphere of tranquil creativity.  Every fourth dimension I sit down downwards to endeavour to write or depict something, I experience similar chaos as well as darkness are going to erupt out of me similar approximately form of natural disaster laced amongst PCP as well as everything I beloved is going to die.  

Much of this terror may stalk from previous experiences amongst feelings of success. 

The same affair happened when I decided that I wanted to endure a psychologist as well as and thus a journalist as well as and thus a physician again.    

I desire this fourth dimension to endure different.  I desire things to operate out.  I’m utterly terrified of waking upward 1 morning time to uncovering approximately guy standing over my bed amongst a flashing neon sign that reads “HAHA.  No 1 truly likes you!!!  It was all a joke as well as y’all savage for it!!!  You idiot!”  

So I’ve been keeping all my excitement bottled upward within fifty-fifty though I desperately desire to say anyone who volition heed virtually how non bad my life is correct now.  It’s partly because I’m superstitious as well as partly because I believe inwards at to the lowest degree maintaining the appearance of modesty.  

The combination of feeling like I’m going to die and repressing my happy feelings for fear of looking like an idiot, has made it nearly impossible for me to larn my ideas out inwards a coherent way.  I lead hold a whole binder total of post service ideas, but when I endeavour to sit down downwards as well as truly set them together, it only ends upward looking similar something created past times a schizophrenic baboon amongst a acquit fetish as well as an endless furnish of finger paint; similar there’s approximately stupid footling guy living inwards my caput as well as all he wants to write virtually is bears. 

Anyway, I wanted to permit y’all know what’s going on as well as why I haven’t been posting equally much.   It volition larn better.  This has happened before.  Does anybody scream back that calendar week where all I posted was a string of Rick Moranis pictures?  And as well as thus that somehow turned into a failed side-project called LOLRickMoranis?  That was a shameful time.  However, it seemed to operate itself out as well as everything went dorsum to normal the adjacent week.  Let’s all promise that’s the illustration here.   If it isn’t, I sincerely promise y’all bask reading virtually bears equally much equally I seem to bask writing virtually them.

UPDATE:  Just to clarify, I all the same desire to endure famous as well as win the internet.  It’s only that it powerfulness lead hold a few days of beingness a total recluse to larn me dorsum to the indicate where I tin hand notice write/draw funny things.

UPDATE:  You know what?  Fuck it.